Depression: A Guide to Help Those Who Are Suffering
Learn about the meaning of depression and how to help someone who is going through it. Gain insight and understanding to support your loved ones.
What ‘being depressed’ means to someone who is suffering
What is depression?
Depression can be defined as a feeling of sadness at its most positive. I will explain my experience with depression; perhaps you can relate to it as well. Depression was a life-drainer, a complete change in my life. Depression started to slowly destroy my hopes and dreams, breaking down my ability to maintain healthy relationships and causing a profound sense of helplessness and hopelessness. It appeared as a gloomy cloud that weighed on my chest and moved up and down until it filled my whole being, preventing me from seeing beyond my nose. It then led me down into a deep dark hole where no light could reach and from which there appeared to be no way out. It took away my confidence and any desire to make changes. It discovered ways to inform me of my past incompetence and assured me that there was no hope for the future.
After I reached the bottom of the pit, the sadness made me believe that I was worthless. It definitely promoted self-loathing to the extent that I lashed out to alleviate the pain. I turned into a workaholic, however, there are many other options to consider: such as drugs, smoking, excessive drinking, overspending, self-harm, risky sexual encounters, excessive sugar and junk food consumption, acting out violently, being abusive, and neglecting oneself.
The cycle of depression and self-harm
Depression – self-loathing – self-injury – increased depression – increased self-loathing – increased self-injury – heightened depression.
The more we dislike ourselves for feeling depressed, the more we behave in ways that make the depression worse and cause more pain. We try to stop the pain by engaging in behavior that only makes the situation worse. It turns into a never-ending cycle.
What is the cause of our depression?
Psychology has been focused on the concept of ‘mental illnesses’ for the past 70 years. Billions, maybe even trillions, of dollars have been put into researching why we experience this ‘disorder’ in such high numbers and why the rates of ‘mental illness’ are increasing so much. Depression has been divided into new types such as melancholic depression, bipolar depression, dysthymic disorder, major depression, post-partum depression, and seasonal affective disorder. There are at least 14 different ‘mental illnesses’, each with a specific medication plan for effective treatment. The fact is that despite the large amount of money invested in research, no medical expert can definitively respond to the fundamental query: Why are so many of us feeling depressed?
As someone who has overcome depression, this is my response. Depression occurs when we suppress our true, genuine identities. It’s the mind’s way of coping with situations that we find challenging or perhaps impossible to handle. It’s the result of our inability to advocate for ourselves and utilize our own resources to progress. It’s the feeling we get when we’ve lost track of our dreams or when we can’t find a way out of a difficult situation. Feeling down happens when we’ve lost faith in ourselves. It’s similar to a blanket that dulls the pain but also dulls the joy.
The two-pronged attack
As someone who has overcome depression, this is my response. Depression occurs when we suppress our true, genuine identities. It’s the mind’s way of coping with situations that we find challenging or perhaps impossible to handle..
Depression impacts us in two important ways: firstly, it suppresses emotions and secondly, it causes us to overanalyze. Let’s examine each of these one by one.
Not effectively communicating feelings in a healthy manner.
Depression occurs when we suppress our true, genuine identities. It’s the mind’s way of coping with situations that we find challenging or perhaps impossible to handle. It’s the result of our inability to utilize our own resources to progress.
If I had not navigated my way through depression on my own and had sought medical help instead, I would have thought that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain. I understood it is not the case and taking a pill was not the solution.
The word ‘depressed’ implies that something is being pushed down. We feel down because we have suppressed feelings that we can’t let show. We regularly feel various emotions; how we manage them affects our emotional well-being. If we are angry but do not express that anger in a positive manner, we will either behave in ways that could harm us, or we will suppress it and become depressed. If we are feeling unhappy but keep it inside, we suppress the tears until they are also pushed down.
What is Ruminating?
Overanalyzing is the second factor that causes us to feel depressed. What does it mean to overthink? Another word for it is rumination. It is the inclination to repeatedly think about things in the mind, similar to a record that is stuck in a groove and repeats the same pattern. It’s replaying a disagreement or going over previous errors in a fixated manner. Studies have discovered that this behavior causes us to focus more on the bad things that happened to us in the past and view situations in our present lives in a more negative way. We get so focused on our problems that we can’t move beyond the negative thoughts.
Hopelessness is a crucial aspect of depression, and I also experienced hopelessness about improving, which kept me stuck in the cycle of depression
We all encounter challenges and the way we handle them was learned during our childhood. When things are going smoothly, we don’t question our behavior. However, if we encounter a difficult situation and do not possess a sympathetic, innate way of coping with life’s challenges, and consequently disregard our instinctive reaction, we may quickly slip into a state of depression. We didn’t come into the world feeling depressed (unless our mother was dependent on alcohol or a drug that causes long withdrawal symptoms, which is not the case for most of us), so something must have happened to trigger the depression. One aspect of recovering from depression involves identifying the cause so that we can make adjustments.
What if the unhappiness you are feeling could actually be good for you? Just like physical pain shows an injury that needs treatment, feeling depressed can show the need for certain changes in life. If you feel pain in your knee .you need to stop running
Depression requires our support to persist
Depression has an odd characteristic: if we allow it to run its course, we would eventually get better. Feeling sad is not permanent. If we allow our innate strength to guide us through the process, we will emerge on the other side and heal. Typically, we do not acknowledge depression as a normal part of the cycle and we attempt to avoid it. However, by attempting to escape it, we end up magnifying it unnecessarily.
Depression is both stigmatized and distressing. We take actions to prevent it from getting to us. We attempt to avoid it by “moving forward” with our lives. It’s known as ‘running on empty’ – we attempt to sustain ourselves despite lacking enough fuel to do so. We rely on crutches to keep us moving because we feel emotionally disabled. We dull our emotions with excessive sugar/fat food, alcohol, cigarettes, work, shopping, compulsive sex or exercise, drugs or anything else that will help us operate at a certain level. Finding methods to control our emotions is simple. If we continue doing this for an extended period of time, depression will start to feel like the usual or typical state.
When we are trapped in the everyday darkness, it can feel like there is no way to escape. Instead of escaping the depression, it has somehow caught up with and passed us.
Viewing depression from a different perspective: how it can be beneficial for us
When everything else doesn’t work, depression can seem like a source of comfort. When we understand what it is and we know that when we’re in a deep depression we can lose hope in ourselves. If you have been experiencing depression for an extended period, it can become your automatic response. It may feel soothing to go back to that despairing, powerless state when life seems too difficult and chaotic. When I was in this condition, I realized the trouble I was getting into when I surrendered and fell back into the depths of depression; however, there were advantages. I thought it’s better to stick with the familiar devil! Feeling hopeless is a key part of depression, and I also felt hopeless about getting better, which kept me trapped in the cycle of depression.
What if the sadness you are experiencing could actually be beneficial for you? Just like physical pain indicates an injury that requires treatment, depression can indicate the need for certain changes in life. If you sense pain in your knee, it may indicate that you should pause your running routine and give it a rest until it heals. Similarly, experiencing depression can indicate that something in your life isn’t functioning properly or that you need to pause and evaluate what issues need to be dealt with. What significant benefits could the depression be providing?
When we are stuck in the daily darkness, it can seem like there is no way out. Instead of avoiding the feeling of sadness, it has somehow found us and gone past us.
Looking at depression from a new angle: how it can be advantageous for us
When nothing else works, depression can feel like a source of solace. We know what it is and when we’re deeply depressed, we can lose faith in ourselves. If you have been feeling depressed for a long time, it can become your default reaction. It can be comforting to return to that hopeless, helpless state when life feels overwhelming and disordered. When I was in this state, I understood the problems I was facing when I gave up and sank back into the depths of depression; but there were benefits. I believed it’s wiser to stay with the familiar demon! Hopelessness is a crucial aspect of depression, and I also experienced hopelessness about improving, which kept me stuck in the cycle of depression.
What if the unhappiness you are feeling could actually be good for you? Just like physical pain shows an injury that needs treatment, feeling depressed can show the need for certain changes in life. If you feel pain in your knee, it might mean you need to stop running for a while and let it rest until it gets better. Likewise, feeling depressed can suggest that something in your life isn’t working correctly or that you need to stop and assess what issues need to be addressed. What important advantages could the depression be offering?
If I hadn’t been brave enough to navigate my way through depression on my own and had sought medical help instead, I would have thought that I just had a chemical imbalance in my brain. This would not have been helpful to me. I understood that taking a pill was not the solution. I would never have had the chances to identify and solve life-changing issues or the opportunity to reach my full potential or to have the understanding of the world around me that I do now.